A worry diary is the simplest thing I know for a head that will not stop. You do not try to stop worrying. You give the worrying a place and a time, and outside that time you write the worry down and leave it there.
It sounds too small to work. It is the one I hand to people first.
What is a worry diary?
A worry diary is a page, or a section of your journal, where you write each worry down as it arrives, with the time, and then leave it until a fixed “worry time” later in the day when you go back and look at them all together. The idea is called worry postponement and it comes from research in the 1980s that found people who saved their worrying for one half-hour a day worried less overall (Borkovec and colleagues, 1983). The NHS uses the same idea in its self-help for generalised anxiety.
each worry, parked as it comesworry time, fifteen minutesWhy does writing worries down help?
Because a worry you are trying not to think about is a worry you are thinking about. Writing it down is the opposite of pushing it away. Your mind gets to put it down, because the page has it now, and it stops shouting to be remembered. And when you come back later, most worries have changed size. Some have gone. The ones left are the real ones, and those are easier to deal with one at a time in daylight than all at once at 2am.
How do I keep a worry diary?
The steps are above, and here is the layout. Draw it on any page, or use the ruled pages in the journal.
| Time | The worry (one line) | Still there at worry time? | Can I do anything? | Next step, or let it go |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| 9.10 | The email I have not replied to | yes | yes | Reply after lunch, two lines |
| 11.30 | What if the car fails its MOT | no | ||
| 14.00 | Said the wrong thing to a friend | yes | no | Let it go for now. Tea, window open |
Three columns are the important ones: what it is, whether I can do anything, and what I will do or not do. Everything else is optional.
What if the worry will not wait?
Some will not. If a worry is about something happening right now, or it is a body-alarm kind of worry rather than a thought, do not make it wait. Come back to the room first with a grounding technique or something soothing, then write it down when you can.
And if the worries are about wanting to hurt yourself or not being here, that is not a diary job. Please talk to someone today. The helplines are at the bottom of this page.
Worry diary or thought diary?
A worry diary is for the volume of worrying. A thought diary is for one thought that keeps hurting. Start with the worry diary; it is lighter.
This is educational self-help from lived experience, not therapy or medical advice.