This is the practical plan. For the feelings that come with it, read clearing a loved one’s home after a death, gently and at your pace.
When someone dies, their home is full of them. Every drawer is a decision, and every decision can bring a wave of feeling. If you have opened the door, looked in, and closed it again, that is a very normal place to be.
How long do I have to sort a parent’s house?
Unless a tenancy or a sale sets a date, there is usually more time than it feels like. Ask whoever is handling the estate what the real deadline is. Often the pressure is coming from inside us, not from the calendar.
Where do I start?
Begin with things that hold no memories: the bathroom cabinet, the cleaning cupboard, the fridge, out-of-date food, old post. It gets you moving without starting on the hardest part.
Keep, Ask, Not yet: three boxes, not two
- Keep: things you know you want.
- Ask: things another family member might want. Write their name on a note.
- Not yet: things you cannot decide about today. This box is allowed. Tape it shut, write the date on it, and look again in a few months.
Nothing has to be decided on the first pass.
Share it out
If there are siblings or other family, agree on one thing before anyone starts: nothing big leaves until everyone has had a chance to say if they want it. A shared list on a phone works well. Photograph the bigger items so people far away can see them.
Keep the story, not every object
A photo of a coat, a chair or a shelf of books can hold the memory when the thing itself cannot stay. Some people keep one small thing from each room.
What do I do with things nobody wants?
Charities, clothes banks, the council’s bulky waste collection, and friends who would love something. In West London, where your things can go next lists where each kind of thing can go.
Look after yourself while you do it
Short sessions, a drink nearby, someone with you if you can. Stop when you have had enough, even if it has only been twenty minutes. That still counts.
If grief is feeling too heavy to carry, Cruse Bereavement Support has a free helpline on 0808 808 1677.